It's been (to say the least) a stressful year. 2013 may have been the most stressful year of my life, and 2014 wasn't a whole lot better! I've been dealing with family members' illnesses, a death in the family, and some financial matters that seemed to take up the majority of my time (in addition to getting a new full time job).
But I've also been really productive over the last year, and I've learned a lot. Including some new information about ways I might be able to improve my fertility, and I am looking forward to sharing this new information with you!
Overall, things are looking good, and I'm feeling very positive about the future.
Because I was going through such a stressful time, though, I had to put "the baby thing" completely on hold. With everything going on, I couldn't even THINK about having a baby. And I knew I also was not taking great care of my health. I was drinking way, way too much soda, and I think it did some damage to my system. I got a RAGING case of Candida, to the point where simple foods would make me itch like crazy, my Athlete's foot returned, and one of my toenails even started to turn a little yellow. But I like to think of those Candida issues as a blessing, because it got me to really examine HOW BAD candida could be during a pregnancy!!! And that made me want to share this (little known) information about the dangers of candida, with other women.
I haven't given up hope on having a baby... BUT, I have also had some time to reflect on what life would be like without children (and it doesn't look so horrible).
I've given a lot of thought to how much I really do enjoy being alone. I think I like it more than the average person. If I don't get enough "alone time" I start to go a little nuts. My mother is the same way. And it has always scared me to think of how much a baby would completely change this. True, if I could make enough money to afford a nanny, who could help me get at least an hour or two of alone time, per day, maybe I'd be OK (but that's still a long way off... and even if I did have the money, I'm sure I'd feel guilty about it... like I was abandoning my child). Or, maybe motherhood really does change you, to the point where you no longer NEED that alone time. Maybe I'd become one of those Moms who really does want to spend every waking hour with their child... but... I have my doubts.
Over the last couple of years, I've taken a really good look at the heartache, frustration, and resentment that is experienced by mothers around me (true, this tends to be moms who have teenagers). And it makes me wonder... is this a path I really want to go down? Once you sign up for Motherhood... there's no turning back. Just like, once your invitation into the Mommy Club expires (meaning... your eggs expire), there's probably no turning back on that, either.
I have a friend (my age) who had been trying for years to have a baby, and she finally decided to adopt. And while I can see (mostly on Facebook) how much she loves being a mother, I have also seen her grumbling in person while she talks to her baby. Kind of minor things, a little groaning and mumbling here and there when her daughter isn't listening... but... it makes me wonder... could I really handle that??? Looking after a kid, ALL DAY LONG???
The biggest reason I've wanted to have a baby is to do my part to raise a good person. To bring a good person into the world. It sounds idealistic, I know. And I realize, if I'm feeling stressed out or frustrated by the fact that I'm just not getting enough "alone time"... I don't want my child to feel resentful of me. And I'm starting to really look at the realities of the fact that... that really could happen!
My "baby plan" has pretty much turned into an "If it happens, it happens" kind of thing. I've cut back on about 75% of the "fertility improving" methods I've used in the past (but I'm glad to have learned them, and really happy to share some of them here on this blog). I'm not taking Fertile CM, grinding pumpkin seeds into my shakes, baking Yams, or using extra PreSeed after sex.
I am, however, making an effort to improve the quality of my eggs, just in case I did happen to pull a Holly Hunter and get pregnant over the age of 46. I'm taking CoEnyme Q10 daily (300-400 mg). And I'm taking Astragalus, which is shown to actually reverse aging! It's made my skin look younger and clearer (less brown spots), and I also noticed a definite increase in my energy!
I'm also using a PEMF device that seems to have improved my cycle (it's become longer, and my blood during my period looks better - brighter and more "red" than "brown"). You can learn more about PEMF and how it seems to help increase fertility, by clicking HERE.
And just to improve my own health, I'm also putting ground flaxseed into my green shakes (it keeps me regular) and exercising (because it improves my focus and energy and makes me feel good about my life). I'm taking vitamins on a daily basis (10,000 IU of Vitamin D, Garlic, Vitamin C, B Complex supplement), and trying to drink lots of filtered water (this is much easier to do after exercising).
I have to say, at 46 years of age, I feel like my body is feeling pretty damn fertile right now. And I'm not even trying. It's like the combination of PEMF, exercise, green shakes, Visalus, Astragalus, CoEnzyme Q10, and extra hydration, just naturally seem to be putting my body back into the "Fertile Zone"... I can feel those old "ovulation pangs" coming back, and I'm producing a LOT of cervical mucus. Like I said, I'm not trying to get pregnant right now... but it's good to know that my eggs don't seem to be showing any signs of evaporation, either : )
OK, gotta sign off now. Lots of housework to do!
EB
EB
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