Friday, January 27, 2012

OMG... I'm actually PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!

I realize it has been a really long time since my last post, so it may have seemed like I gave up on the idea of having a baby... but I didn't! I just didn't have time to write out everything I've been doing lately... but I'll fill you in, in the next posts, exactly what I did (to give you the rundown, it boiled down to diet, exercise, decreased stress, Fertil Plus for Women, and Visalus Vitamins for me AND my husband... but I will talk about that in the next posts). And of course, a little luck, good timing, and a lot of blessings from up above must have played a part!

Yesterday I took a pregnancy test, and for the first time in my life, it came out positive (as you can see I'm one of those people who cuts the test strips into halves or thirds, to save money). Yes, the second line actually turned dark... and I mean, FAST. It turned dark so fast, I began shouting expletives. I was in shock... it truly seemed so surreal, it was hard to believe I wasn't dreaming! I can't tell you how many times, over the last 10 years, I've taken a pregnancy test, and... NOTHING. That second "test strip line" never even came close to turning pink. And suddenly, I could see it changing color (a dark purple) right before my eyes!

A close girl friend encouraged me to take a second test, so I went to Costco and bought an "Answer" brand test for about $7. I took the test right there in the Costco bathroom, and sure enough... Positive. And the "pregnancy" line looked even darker than the "constant" line (the one that always turns pink no matter what).
People, I AM FORTY THREE YEARS OLD (something about that number just SOUNDS so old to me... it was making me FEEL old!). I also have a tilted cervix. My hair (without haircolor) is about 75% gray. I was getting to the point where I truly thought I was getting so old, maybe a baby just wasn't in the cards for me. It was hard not to think about all the reasons why I might not be able to get pregnant at all! I smoked on and off in my 20's and 30's. I had taken several rounds of the drug Accutane in my teens and 20's, and was starting to suspect that it could have dried up my mucous membranes to the point where the only way I could get pregnant was to do IVF (which I'd concluded was a route I probably wouldn't take, even if I could afford it).

I began to identify with all the people who never had babies, and decided, life might not be so bad just because I don't give birth (luckily I do have two great step kids). I even spent a couple of hours on, earlier this week, and decided, that was the route for me in few years. I was bawling, watching the videos on the website, looking at all these kids who truly need homes (by the way, I haven't ruled out becoming a foster parent... no matter what happens with this pregnancy, it's something I would really like to do in the future, if I can get my husband on board too).
Well, I guess because I was so psyched about the idea of becoming a foster parent, that the positive pregnancy test kind of put me in shock. I just stared at the test strip and kept saying, No way... No WAY!!!! Holy ****!!!!

For the record, I believe the date of conception was on or around January 5th (at least, that's the date my OPK said I was ovulating... and the line on the test strip was DARK).
For the last 3 weeks, I haven't felt much in terms of "pregnancy symptoms" (though on Monday I did have a weird little bit of nausea - just a few seconds - around lunchtime but it could have been my imagination, or something I ate). Yeah, I was getting the big boobs around the last week of my cycle. But I can't tell you how many times that's happened, and my excitement about the possibility of being pregnant turns to disappointment as soon as my period arrives.
The reason I took a pregnancy test was because I was having a few other weird symptoms:

1) Fatigue. On Wednesday night I wanted to work late into the evening but ended up coming home and just wanting to sit on the couch, I was so tired (I thought maybe it was from cleaning all day, or because I went for an extra long run - about an hour, on hills). My lower back was really bothering me, and I had to get on my Back to Life machine to alleviate some of the pressure. I realize, most of my fatigue did probably come from the long run and from cleaning all day, but it just seemed like I was extra tired. All I wanted to do was sit on the couch with my stepkids and watch TV!

2) Diarrhea. On Wed. and Thurs., I woke up with terrible diarrhea. I suspected something must be up, because the only time I've ever had diarrhea first thing in the morning, is if I'm violently ill, with a bad cold or the flu, etc.. But I felt pretty good, and hadn't eaten anything that should give me the runs!I googled it and discovered that even though it's not common (constipation is actually much more common), there were quite a few women who DID experience diarrhea, early on in their pregnancies (apparently some womens' bodies have that reaction to the increased levels of progesterone). You can see the discussion here:

3) Discharge. It seemed like there was an unusual amount of discharge on my undies a few days ago (I could tell because the undies were purple, not white). I looked it up, and sure enough, I guess that's a sign of conception.

4) Change in my body temperature. This is not actually something I noticed myself, but my husband commented, when we were having sex on Wednesday: "Wow... you're really warm! (down there)!!" I didn't make the connection that it could be a "symptom" of pregnancy until I found out I was pregnant, but now I am thinking that must have had something to do with it!

5) No pain with orgasm. Let me explain this one. For the last few years, I've had an issue with cramping after orgasm (it's gotten better since I've taken Visalus, but it's still there to some degree). This doesn't tend to occur during the first 3 weeks of my cycle, but one way I can tell my period is about to hit, is, if I have an orgasm that is accompanied by painful cramps, i know menstruation is on its way. Well, about a week ago, I had an orgasm and could feel a little bit of that pain coming on, so I figured my period was just around the corner. But when I had an orgasm two nights ago, and felt NO PAIN whatsoever, it seemed odd. Wasn't my period supposed to be around the corner? I always figured that pain must come from blood that is about to be released... so where did all that blood GO? Did it somehow disperse, or find something better to do than flood down the exit door of my cervix, as it always did on the fourth week of my cycle? I would say this was, more than anything, the biggest reason I was suspicious that I might be pregnant.

I am trying to be realistic about this pregnancy, in that, I realize, at my age, it may not actually "stick." All of my girl friends who have gotten pregnant over the age of 35 had a miscarriage on the first try. So without being pessimistic or negative, I want to keep a realistic outlook on the situation, and do everything I can to stay healthy and give this little embryo the best chance it can have! If it turns out to be a full term pregnancy, I will consider myself truly blessed (I already do consider myself really blessed, just for being able to GET pregnant!). If it doesn't, at the very least I will know I CAN get pregnant! But I'm going to do everything I can to ensure this is a healthy pregnancy. I've already gone and bought tons of healthy food from Costco: Salad mix (dark green spring mix plus an iceberg mix), organic baby bell peppers, baby carrots, bananas. I'm going to be a salad eating machine!!!

Stay tuned for my next post to see the things I did to help me finally get pregnant!

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