OK so I realize this could have nothing to do with pregnancy. But
this evening I had this terrible feeling of the blues. It was shortly after I
took a shower. True, it's raining, HARD, where I live, to the point where
they've issued two flash flood warnings. But I'm usually able to keep my
Seasonal Affective Disorder in check by taking extra vitamin D, getting enough
exercise, cleaning my house, staying away from junk food, eating really
healthy, and keeping the lights on.
But those things didn't seem to be doing the trick today. It seemed unusually bad shortly after I took a shower and put on some progesterone cream, which was weird because previously, it actually improved my mood. But tonight, I literally started to feel like I was going to cry when I was just trying to fix a tangled blanket. So I
ended up taking a SAM-e tablet. I'd bought some for my husband a few years ago
when he wasn't in the best health and it was making him depressed. Now he is
feeling much better and didn't keep taking it so I had a lot of extra, and I'm
going to assume it was still at least partially effective since it's in foil
wrapped packaging.
I read a very helpful discussion about Sam-E, by women who are trying to conceive, or did get pregnant. Apparently it's been really helpful, for a lot of women, and there are no known side effects. You can read the discussion here.
I felt "OK" later. Not joyful or anything, just
"OK." Which I guess is better than feeling depressed, which is what I
felt about 2 hours ago. I also do have a nice heated blanket on the bed, which
is helping the back pain that's been plaguing me for the last month.
When I told my husband I was feeling really depressed like I want
to cry, he said, "Could you be pregnant?" And for some reason I
instantly blurted out, "no, no..." I guess because a) I didn't really
think that could be it, and b) I don't want to worry him too much.
But now I am kind of starting to wonder. I don't want to take
another pregnancy test unless I'm way overdue for my period. This cycle, I
ovulated pretty late - on day 17. And I just looked it up online and
apparently it's not impossible to get pregnant if you ovulate that late,
according to this discussion.
For the last 3 months, I always got my period on the 27th. Like
clockwork. So I keep thinking, that's when I'm going to get it again this
month. So I guess I'll take a test if I don't get it by the 28th. It was just
so much easier the last time I got pregnant, when I wasn't really thinking
about it, and I didn't test too early, and I didn't have any of that anxiety
of, should I take a test or not take a test, or being annoyed with myself
because I went ahead and tested too early when I knew I shouldn't have.
Sometimes I wonder if that kind of anxiety can keep a pregnancy from actually
“sticking.” It would probably help if I
could just get busy with other things in my life and not think so much about
the baby thing.
OK that's it for now. Will write more again soon.
EB
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