When I got pregnant in January, I estimated that I conceived around January 5th (since that was the day I had the really positive OPK test), and I didn't take a pregnancy test for three weeks (so by the time I did, it was pretty dark). It wasn't that I didn't care at all, but I just had a lot of other things on my mind, which I think is probably how it's supposed to be.
I didn't feel any particularly strong, unusual symptoms, that I can remember, until about 2 days before I took the test. The thing that made me finally suspect that something must be going on, was major fatigue (which I am not experiencing now), bad lower back pain (which I am experiencing but that's been going on for weeks), and bad diarrhea as soon as I woke up one day (which I'm not experiencing now... and yes, don't worry, I made it to the bathroom!)
It's hard not to have a certain amount of anxiety about this pregnancy since I don't have health insurance at this time, and I need to get full time work. So if there is anything positive about the fact that I might not be pregnant right now, it would be that I still have a little more time to hopefully secure a good full time job that has decent health benefits.
Around 2 days past ovulation I started getting insomnia, waking up in the middle of the night, thinking oh my God, what if more than one egg got released and fertilized. I am pretty positive that I ovulated from more than one side this month. It's funny that I would worry about such a thing, since there was a time when I really wanted twins. It seems like a cooler and cooler idea as you get older, since you don't know how much time there is left to have babies, so cranking out two at a time would seem like a blessing.
But the reality of having more than one kid, with no health insurance, definitely scared me a little. Of course, I would welcome any baby or babies that God chooses to give me. And I would love that kid or kids with my whole heart and just make the best of the situation, no matter how it all turned out. I definitely do have some good prospects for full time work, so I am hopeful.
I realize I must sound really ingrateful. Here I am, trying SO hard to get pregnant, and it sounds like I'm saying, "Oh my God I hope I don't have twins or anything".... It's not that I wouldn't love to have as many babies as I could. It's just that I am feeling a little unprepared. If we had more room in this house, and f we had more money, I would absolutely LOVE IT. Just like J Lo and Mariah Carey must be loving it. They can build the biggest house they want, and hire as many nannies as they could ever need. But for the average person, it might not be so easy.
Like I said, I would be extremely grateful and happy for any child or children God ever decides to give me, and I will consider it an extreme blessing, no matter what happens. Even if for some reason I am unable to have any children, I will look at the positive side and thank God for the fact that it would probably save me a lot of worry and possible heartache (the normal type that comes form being concerned about a child, your whole life) and remaining childless would enable me to be able to accomplish more of my own personal goals. But of course I would rather have a baby. I already feel really fortunate for the fact that I have been able to afford to take fertility supplements, and that they have worked to get me pregnant in the past (even if one sadly ended in a miscarriage). And I feel fortunate for the fact they seem to be working again. Regardless of whether this will be the "lucky month"... I am grateful.