Friday, December 14, 2012

Working extra hard on TTC this month!!!

I'm in my 3rd month of taking Fertil Plus, and am not fooling around this time. This month I'm going all out. And right now I want to drink a Visalus Neuro soo bad, but I'm holding off, just for today, since it's the one day this month that I've had a DEFINITELY positive OPK test, and I wasn't able to have sex until about 8 hours after I took the test. I had been drinking Neuro daily, when I got pregnant last time, so I know it's pretty safe, I'm not producing nearly as much cervical mucus today, as I was yesterday, so I just want to hold off on the caffeine to increase whatever odds I may have.

In the past, I don't think I've ever had a particular month where I've really, really focused hard on trying to get pregnant. I think it's because I haven't wanted to be disappointed if it didn't happen. You hear all these stories of people saying they got pregnant when they weren't really trying, and that even happened to me, sort of (I kept taking the supplements, etc., but definitely had more of an attitude of, if it happens, great, if not, I'll be ok).

But this month, I'm like, screw it. I'm taking things more seriously this time. I got pregnant the last time, after about 3 months of being on Fertil Plus, and now I'm at about the 3 month mark again. But this time I've done even more stuff than I was doing last time (though I will admit I could be better at drinking extra water and exercising). 

I do realize there is a chance that, no matter WHAT I do, it just may not happen. Which would be disappointing, given all the work, time, and money I've put into trying to have a baby, but I just have to prepare myself for that. I feel like, I'm probably doing just as much work as someone who's doing IVF (time wise), only it's costing me a lot less money. Still, though... it's not cheap. I do have to pay for the supplements, etc., that I'm taking, and when you add up the cost of every single thing I'm doing, the cost is probably about $400 a month (true, I have included the cost of my Visalus Core Kit, which is about $200/mo, even though I like it so much I would be taking it whether or not I was trying to get pregnant). 

I had sex two days ago when the hubby got home from work. I'd noticed a lot of cervical mucus on the toilet paper, and then got this moderately positive test.  I took precautionary measures to try to make sure my hubby's sperm went in the right direction....

... so I backed up to the wall with my feet in the air, hoping it would help the sperm enter my cervix. I could only do this for about 10 minutes though, because it hurt my neck to sit like that. After that, I just lay in bed with my butt propped up with a pillow, like I did when I got pregnant in January.

We didn't have sex again until today at about 5:00.  So it's been 48 hrs. since the last time. I know they say that sperm can live for 5 days inside a woman's body (though apparently that's the MAX), but I've never quite been sure if that would be the case for me (me and my hostile cervical fluid). I feel like, I should have sex RIGHT when the OPK turns dark, but sometimes that just isn't possible.

But I did just learn that, apparently, sperm has a much better chance of survival if it actually makes it into the uterus, cervix or fallopian tubes. So as you can see, I'm doing my best to help it get there!

For the last week, my ovaries have been going a little nuts. Right now I'm feeling mittelschmerz on both sides, no kidding (it must be the yams). I usually just feel it on the left, and to be honest can't even picture a time when I've ever felt it on the right, but this time it is DEFINITELY on the right (it's on the left too, but stronger on the right). 

And this is one of only about 3 times that I've seen my OPK test strip turn really dark (one of those times being the time I got pregnant). You can see today's test strip in this picture, it's the strip at the bottom dated 12/14.  I should note there are 2 strips at the top of the photo that have a super dark line but those are pregnancy tests (you can see the blue bit in the top strip), and that dark line is the "constant" line (not the "positive" line) anyway. The 3 random test strips on the right are ones that fell on the ground and I don't know what day I took them, but I'm putting it here to show I was ovulating on one of those days. As you can see, I'm not the best about keeping good track and writing the dates next to them. But I'm showing you this photo so you can see that it looks like I've had more than one fertile day this month. I usually just test once a day, but today I tested twice. Once at about 2 AM, the other time  at about 10 AM. 

FYI today, 12/14, is day 17 of my cycle. 

Today I was really stressing out (to the point where I was actually crying) about the fact that my OPK kit turned REALLY positive right after my husband left for work (and we hadn't had sex for 2 days). The last time that happened (where I got a really positive test after he left for work), I did not get pregnant. Though it's true, I wasn't doing as many "fertility enhancing" things as I am right now (and this time, even my husband is taking better care of his health).  But just having the anxiety of knowing that it didn't work out the last time, makes it hard for me not to think about it again. It blows my mind that you can be doing aaaaalll this stuff to improve your chances, but if you just don't have sex at that exact, right moment, you can totally blow it. All that work you just did for the last month, taking pills at the right time, drinking vegetable shakes... doesn't matter, you still have to start over. But on the positive side, I know the longer I am taking care of my health THIS well, the better my egg quality will probably be.

I forced myself to drink a huge broccoli shake today, and skipped the orange juice that I normally put in it, because I was worried the acid from the OJ might kill off some of the sperm, and  decided it was better to be safe than sorry. That orange juice makes a huge difference. It was NOT fun to drink that way, but I just forced myself to down the whole thing. Like I said, I want a Neuro so bad, but I'm made myself drink 2 V8's on ice instead. Just like how last night was date night w/the hubby and I really wanted a margarita, but had a sprite instead.

So anyway, we had sex around 5:00 today and I've spent the last 5 hours just laying in bed, mostly.  The last time I got pregnant, I had gone to bed right after sex and stayed there for something like 12 hours. I woke up feeling annoyed with myself because I hadn't been productive, but when I found out it got me pregnant, I realized, I'd been more productive than ever!

This is the list of what I'm taking / doing:

-Fertil Plus, 3x a day
-Pycnogenol, 100mg, 2-3x a day
-Fertile CM, 3x a day right after my period ends, for about 2-3 weeks (I keep taking it because I am one of those people whom I think ovulates at random times, possibly more than once a month).  (I take the Fertil Plus, Pycnogenol, and Fertile CM together, soon as I wake up), then at 3pm, then at 10. If I forget, I take two or even three at a time, but usually I remember.
-Oil of Evening Primrose, 2-3x a day (week 2-4 of my cycle)
-Ground Flaxseed, about 2 tbsp. / day (w/veggie smoothie)
-Ground Pumpkinseed, about 2 tbsp. / day  (w/veggie smoothie)
-Vegetable smoothies (made from any combo of kale, spinach, broccoli, cauliflower, any dark leafy vegetable, mixed with juice, frozen fruit, the flaxseed/pumpkinseed mentioned above), 1 tsp. maca, 1 tsp. Fertili-Tea, and Visalus Vi-Shape Mix (1 scoop per smoothie... and I'll have 2-3 per day).
-Visalus Vi-Pak Vitamins (AM and PM)
-Visalus Vi-Shape Mix (as mentioned above - it's part of the Vi-Pak)
-Visalus Neuro  - This is my caffeine allowance for the day. I am one of these people who needs at least a little caffeine every day, and I love this stuff becaues it gives me a great buzz, with just 40 mg. of caffeine, and doesn't dehydrate me like coffee or even decaf, does). 
-CoEnzyme Q10 (I've been taking 200-400 mg. per day for the last 3 months). I've done this in the hopes of improving my egg quality. 
-Eating 1-2 yams per day
-Using Preseed (a half-half mixture of PreSeed and Astroglide Natural) every time I have sex. I inject it with the applicator, right after sex (doing it beforehand makes me way too slippery). 

There is a part of me that doesn't want to post this, because there's this superstitious part of me that feels like, it's not good to talk about things too soon. What if there are people who read this and actually don't wish me well, and hope that it all fails, and then I don't get pregnant and I'll kick myself thinking, I never should have posted that so soon. 

But Suze Orman talks about "standing in your truth."  And this is my truth. This is what I've been doing for the last 3 months. I don't know if any of it is going to work, but I am hopeful. Those who are happy for me, will be happy if I get pregnant. Those who are thinking I'm going to fall on my face and none of this will work, will have been right, but so what? It doesn't change the fact that this is what I'm doing, no matter what. This is me. This is my truth. 

I may end up not having children, but at the very least I want to show people what I'm doing so that maybe they can learn from my mistakes, and some of my successes. There could be a day where I just throw in the towel and decide, OK I've had enough, I'm done trying to get pregnant. There is a big part of me that would be sad about never having kids, but I also know that I'd be free to do more things. But of course, right now, I just want the thing that I've always wanted, since I was a little kid.  I want to be a Mom. I love kids. I love to read to them, I love to help them and encourage them and praise them and guide them. I can't imagine there could be any job more heartwarming and rewarding, than being a mother.

You just have to keep looking at the postitive side of things, and the most important thing is, KEEP THE FAITH, that whatever happens, will be for the best. 

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