-REALLY bad lower back pain
-Fatigue
-Irritability
-Headache
-Diarrhea first thing in the morning
In addition, I felt nauseous in the morning, about 5 days after what I think could have been a possible conception date. I know, it seems way too early but a bunch of women said they felt nausea at that time, and also went on to have successful pregnancies. And I also had a really rapid heart rate, something I also googled and it seems a lot of women report this as a symptom of pregnancy.
Whatever the case, I took a pregnancy test and it's negative. And I took another and another and another and they're all negative (I thought maybe cause it was a cheap test from the dollar store maybe it wouldn't work but... I'm thinking it's probably accurate).
I'm not sure what would cause me to have those same crazy symptoms and can't help but wondering if it's possible for the body to become pregnant, but it has to go through a "waiting period" to determine if that little zygote is going to be viable or not.
UPDATE (an hour later): OK so I got my period this morning so I can forget the idea that those pregnancy tests could have been inaccurate since they were from the dollar store, or that they weren't working since they were a few years old.
But I still think it's funny that I had so many symptoms that were just like the time I got pregnant. I know there are some people who might say all those symptoms I had are just PMS symptoms, but for me, that is highly unusual. It's just not like me to get any of those things. I haven't had back pain for years (though it seems like I had it pretty bad when I was in the throes of all my TTC stuff).
I'm going to write about this later but... I have gotten to a place where I feel pretty OK with not having kids. I'm like... 90 percent ok with it. I think this is because I feel strongly that I still could get pregnant, if I wanted to. I realized that, for me, getting pregnant wasn't so much about NEEDING to have a baby, and needing someone to take care of and love me, as it was about wanting to know my body was functioning properly.
When you are unable to get pregnant, you feel really "left out" from this big group of women in the Mother's Club. But I just want to say to all the women out there, who have been struggling with TTC... I really think just about all of us COULD get pregnant if we really wanted to. But... how much would that change our lives? I realized, I'm pretty happy with my life the way it is now. I don't feel like I'm "missing anything."
I suppose I also have Facebook to thank for the fact that I feel that I've been able to live vicariously through other peoples' baby experiences, over the last 5 years.
Me and a friend of mine were trying to get pregnant at the same time, years ago. She spent thousands of dollars on fertility treatments and finally she and her husband decided to adopt. This friend of mine, whom I'll call Judy, is the PERFECT Mom. She is the kind of Mom who would ENJOY spending ALL DAY with her baby. And I have always imagined that I would NOT be that kind of Mom. That's not to say I wouldn't be a good Mom (my Mom was like the opposite of Judy, but I still consider her to have been a great Mom). It truly warms my heart to see Judy having so much fun with her daughter. She recently announced she was thinking of adopting another baby and I gasped out loud, joyfully, "Oh My God!" I was so excited for her. And not jealous in the least. I guess it's because I really feel like I could have had a baby if I wanted to, and a strong part of me feels like I still could.
I know some women might be reading this and say, Yeah Right! You're 47. But I have felt more fertile than I have in years. I've been drinking antioxidant water like my friend who swears it helped her turn back the clock on her menopause for 5 years, and am getting regular periods, a good amount of cervical mucus, and I feel like I'm ovulating normally. I recently also cut back on about 3/4 of the sugar I normally consume, so...I feel like my body is in a better position than ever, to have a baby, if I wanted one. And no, we are not using any birth control. So I really feel like it could still happen. But I'm kind of leaving this one up to fate.
I learned I really do value my "alone time." Because I like to write. And I like to spend 12 hours a day on my computer. I realize my entire life would change if I had a kid. I think the whole point of having a baby is to try to bring a good person into the world and do what you can to make it a better place. So if I did have a baby, I would do what I could, to ensure that this person was a good little human, who cared about this planet, was kind to others, and tried to make the world a better place. And if I don't end up having one of those little humans, it will give ME more time to do what I can to make the world a better place, and I plan to continue doing that by writing as much as I can (I know I haven't been doing much here on this blog but there are other projects I've been working on).
I can't help wondering if the fact that I gave up sugar was somehow causing some kind of detox reaction. I should probably write a separate post about this but I'll just try to say quickly that... I think I... no, I KNOW I had major issues with Candida, and that is DANGEROUS for a pregnancy, and can make it just about impossible to conceive. I was completely addicted to sugar. I'd have it every day, all day, in the form of powdered drinks. And it was causing really bad candida in my system. How do I know this? Because it gave me athlete's foot. Whenever I have too much sugar or yeast, my feet itch. If I had beer, soda, a doughnut, bagel... you name it. My feet itched. But now that I've given up the daily sugar consumption... my athlete's foot has pretty much VANISHED.
There were things that would help alleviate it temporarily. The antioxidant water helped somewhat, and the acidic water our machine makes was able to wipe it out externally... but I could still feel the tingling on the INSIDE. Because its seemed that this is where the yeast or candida was somehow settling, and thriving.
An interesting thing happened when I stopped consuming sugar. My feet got WARMER. Like the blood in them was circulating better. I didn't think the circulation was that bad before, especially because I was consuming antioxidant water, but... there is only so much the water can do when a person is unwilling to take away the SOURCE of the problem!!
I read up on some of the side effects of giving up sugar and people can feel nausea, headaches and more. So maybe this is what I was experiencing... who knows.
Anyway, I took a bunch of Vitamin D (10K usually keeps back pain away but I bumped it up to 50K today). I also took Turmeric, B vitamins and a bunch of other vitamins, and the pain doesn't seem to be an issue right now. Knock wood. It was just killing me yesterday so I am relieved that it seems to be gone now.
Hopefully this will keep up!
EB
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