Monday, April 6, 2009

Breast Enhancement Pills

That's right. Boobie pills.

Before I explain the connection between boobie pills and fertility (still out for debate) let me tell you how I got interested in the pills in the first place.

Years ago I was having a heated debate with my friend Randy about whether or not a certain woman's boobs were fake. Personally, i don't really care how a woman gets her boobs or if they're fake, that's not my business. But I told Randy that "she could have been taking boob pills" and had to explain to him what those are.

I would not actually believe they worked, since i had never taken them, but about a year prior when I was on a plane to Hawaii I got to chatting to this gal sitting next to me and we spent almost the whole plane ride talking about girly stuff. It was surreal, I had just met this woman and we were both single and chatty and next thing you know we're talking about supplements and PMS and she tells me she's taking breast enhancement pills (and NO she was not selling them). They were called Grobust. I'll never forget how she gave me a wink and thumbs up and said they really work. It was so funny - I had JUST MET this woman.

Anyway, I was so annoyed with Randy for acting like I was totally naive to believe "boobie pills" actually work, that I basically told him I was going to take them and let him see the difference. Yes, he had seen my boobs before, and knew they weren't particularly big.

I did a lot of research on ebay to find a brand that women seemed happy with. And one of the testimonials was from a woman who said they helped her get pregnant. This was about 5 years ago, and I tried to go back to ebay and find out which brand that was but I could never find the testimonial again! I don't even think the person who was selling that brand is selling it anymore. I know how that is, I've sold things on ebay as a wholesaler and after a while you can get burnt out.

Well, I found a brand that seemed to have good reviews and tried it and yep - my boobs got bigger. But so did a mole I have on my butt, and it kind of freaked me out. It got kind of swollen and my first thought was, what if this turns out to cause cancer?? I stopped taking it after the first bottle and left it at that. I never did get Randy to feel the difference (he moved to LA and wasn't about to drive all the way there to get him to feel them).

This year I decided to try taking some "boob gum" to increase my hormonal balance and see if it would help me get pregnant. I ordered it in the summer and after the first week of taking it, my bf commented on my boobs, people said I looked like I was glowing, and I think I may have even gotten pregnant (it didn't last but I got that metallic taste in my mouth that I've heard is a symptom). I was moving a bunch of stuff around my office and misplaced the gum and so stopped taking it (they say you're not supposed to take boob enhancement stuff while you're pregnant anyway). I was also under a lot of stress and didn't cut out coffee or alcohol or make a point to eat super healthy, so I can see how a zygote wouldn't really want to move on to the next level.

I've started chewing the gum again (since I recently found it) and yep, the boobs are getting bigger (but I don't seem to have that problem with the swollen mole). In addition, people are saying I'm glowing, and my boyfriend recently had this comment: "God... you just feel so amazing lately..." The only other time he noticed a big difference during sex was when I was taking maca and Fertile CM (I believe maca can change your hormonal balance - for the better). So I'm guessing the gum may have had something to do with it. There are only 3 things I've done different lately: 1) cut back on caffeine (true, that could be part of it), 2) drink a little more water, and 3) chew the boob gum.

I did a little googling to see if I could find any reports of breast enhancement pills helping women become pregnant. This is what I found (on this page:

Balances Female Hormones
Level Mood is Maintained
Libido Increased
Contains Nutritives, including EFA’s (Essential Fatty Acids), for Healthy Breast Cells and Glandular Tissue
Menopausal Symptoms - Improves Hot Flashes, Vaginal Dryness, Nervous Tension and Sleepless Nights Resulting in Daytime Fatigue
and also Breast Enlargement done NATURALLY
Formulated with Botanicals and Other Natural Ingredients for PMS Relief Including Mood Swings, Irritability, Bloating and Cramping
Includes Herbs and Antioxidants that Contribute to Healthy Immune Function and Breast Support
New Ingredients for Breast Health and to Maintain Healthy Hormone Levels to Bring Balance and Harmony

ALSO on the site:

I am trying to get pregnant;
will Breast Enlargement Pills help?

Reports indicate that the formula is helpful because of the beneficial effects on problems such as irregular menstrual periods, infertility, PMS, cramping, bloating, and irritability. We have generally seen improvement in these types of problems as soon as three weeks.

The formula also helps to increase libido, which of course, is very helpful if you are trying to get pregnant. Women have generally seen improvement in these types of problems as soon as three weeks.

Can I take the formula during pregnancy?

The formula should NOT be taken during pregnancy or while nursing.


I should note that I have always suspected I might have a little bit of a hormonal imbalance. My periods have always been kind of irregular. In my 20's and early 30's, When i took the pill (ortho tricyclen) my boobs got a LOT bigger and my skin got clearer. I heard some women take the pill just to get their hormones balanced. Well, I feel like that's what the pill kind of did for me. But I can't take the pill now, obviously, so... I'm going with the boob gum.

I keep worrying my boyfriend or a co-worker will see me with the gum and say "can I have a piece?" And I'm going to have to say, 'Um.... no... trust me you don't want this gum" without having to explain "Why NOT?" It looks just like Eclipse or any other gum that comes in those foil packets. I don't want to be rude and say no you can't have any of my gum (though it's true I don't really want to share - the sh*t's expensive!). But I don't want my boyfriend to start growing boobies either. I've tried to think of excuses I could use. "It's Nicorette" (no, that would be worse). I think I might just keep another pack of Eclipse in my purse and if they ask for a piece, i'll pull out the eclipse and say "Here - have one of these - it's fresher - I'm just eating these other ones to get rid of it." They may go, "Oooookay...?" but at least the questioning will probably stop right there.

By the way, you're supposed to give up caffeine while you're taking the gum, and I've been trying (it's not easy!!!). I gave up caffeine on April 1st - then a few days later I cheated and had a diet dr. pepper, and now I've had tea and decaf coffee. True, I've cut back, but... I'm easing out of it rather than going cold turkey.

One last note: I couldn't remember if I'd read the pregnancy testimonial, from ebay, in regards to a breast enhancement pill or if it was for this other boob-enlarging stuff called pueraria mirifica (which does come in pill form but they sell it all kinds of different ways). So I googled that too and there does seem to be some evidence that what these pills basically do is help your hormone imbalance and help increase your uterine lining.

I found this online and it is so funny. Obviously written and translated (maybe with babelfish) by someone who doesn't speak english very well (taken from this page:

Relation with the estrogen
Women are controlled by the estrogen for their body, their skin, and so on.
Cramps, headache, stomachache, stiff neck, tiredness, chillness, body trouble with such as swelling, nervousness, anxiety, sleeplessness, unpleasant mental symptom such as forgetfulness, problems for skin such as dryness, spots, stain and wrinkle. These are caused by the effect for all the estrogen.

Especially estrogen is the estrogen. It is increased secretion since the
awkward age. It creates a woman-like body and helps to implant insemination
ovum or thicken a womb skin for ready to get pregnant. It creates also ovum.
Estrogen is concerned in an autonomic nerve, move of feeling, bone, skin, mucous

membrane, knuckles, muscles, stomach, intestines, move of the brain greatly.
Characteristic for Pueraria mirifica is to work the estrogen function deeply.
Most of women notice something effect.

Particularly for women whose woman's function are decreasing or inactive.
It effects for boobs and beauty skin and especially for a menopausal disorder.

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